[fourhour]

Found this today and thought I'd share it with everybody. Hope it is not a repeat. Enjoy.



You Know You're a Biker When...

~*~ You ever bought saddlebags so you can carry more beer.
~*~ Your girl follows you to the party with the car so you can take
more beer.
~*~ Your best friends are named after animals.
~*~ Your best shoes have steel toes.
~*~ You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.
~*~ Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbwire.
~*~ You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste of them.
~*~ You're only sunburned on the back of your hands.
~*~ You carry around a crushed beer can in the case of soft tar when
you park the bike.
~*~ You pull your bike into the motel room and use a bath towel to wipe
it off.
~*~ Your girl friend has to climb over the bike to do the laundry in
the basement.
~*~ You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
~*~ Any day you ride is a good day.
~*~ Your other vehicle is a truck with motorcycle ramps in it.
~*~ You get hit by a Taxi in N.Y.C., slide 80 yards and ride the bike
home 30 miles with a fractured hip.
~*~ You've been too drunk to Piss but not to drunk to ride your bike
home.
~*~ Your three-piece suit are Chaps, Leather Vests & a Leather Jacket.
~*~ You don't think it's a good party till someone rides his or her
bike in and does doughnuts in the living room.
~*~ You think Tequila is a Sex Aide.
~*~ You wake up next to your girl and your first thought is if your
bike will start.
~*~ Your kids learn to ride on the back of your bike before they can
walk.
~*~ Your garage has more square footage than your house.
~*~ Your coffee table collapses from the weight of motorcycle
magazines on it.
~*~ You throw a party and more bikes show up than cars.
~*~ Your kids take a motorcycle chain to Show and Tell.
~*~ All your ashtrays are pistons from your last engine rebuild.

 

[JimmyK]

And....


When ya show up in the driveway with a new scoot and yer wife says,

"Ok, I am dying to hear what you are gonna say this time!"


And your response is....



"Honey, you are AMAZING! How did you know I wanted a Beer?"

 

[fourhour]

How about this one?

What's the definition of 'lot of balls'? When your old lady catches you shagging another woman and you slap her in the ass and say, "Don't worry, you're next!"

 

[sheepboy]

Hey FourHour, how did you make out at Bobs Cycle? I saw my buddys' fat boy he picked up there yesterday. It's that sinister blue one they had. Sweet machine. He said he ate about 10 pounds of bugs driving around last night with a big **** eatin' grin on his face. Gonna have to floss more!
Sheepboy

 

[fourhour]

Well, Bob's had a lot of scoots for sale. Two Dyna's that I thought were way over priced for used bikes. Saw two fat boys there, mostly recall the yellow one. Left there, went to Misquamicut Beach and rented two rooms for the long Fourth of July weekend. Continued on to Ocean State H-D in Warwick. Every bike there was sold including the next (and last) shipment due at the end of the month. So, sticker shock and a lack of availabilty convinced me to stick with the Sporty for a while longer. Put 192 miles on it that day, was out for 6 hours. All back or secondary roads. My ass was very sore! Ouch! Wind took my new white bandana so I had to buy one at Ocean State including a new t-shirt. Bride is trying to take the credit card away from me! LOL Was 92+ around these parts yesterday. Went riding but spent alot of it in traffic. The whole world was out in some type of vehicle.

 

[fourhour]

A woman who had the worst chronic headache goes to a famous
"new age" holistic doctor, as a last resort. "Doctor, I have
tried everything, but my headache just won't go away."

The doctor replied, "You have come to the right place. This
is what I want you to do - go home, stare at yourself in the
mirror, point your index fingers at your temples, and repeat
this mantra: "I really don't have a headache, I really don't
have a headache". Do it as long as it takes, the headache is
just going to vanish."

As she leaves the doctor's office, skeptical but curious at
the same time, she tries the maneuver in front of the mirror
in the elevator. Fingers pointed at her temples, she starts
repeating "I really don't have a headache, I really don't have
a headache...". She has barely said it four times, when she
realizes her headache is gone. Shocked and elated, she runs
back up to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you are a genius!
Can I please send you my husband? He's been having problems
in a certain department...how can I put it... "

"When was the last time you two had sex?" asks the doctor.

"About eight years ago." she replied.

The doctor says, "Yes, send him over." A few days later, she
is waiting with baited breath for her husband to come home
from the doctor. He arrives, asks her to wait, and goes
straight to the bathroom. When he comes out, he throws her
on the couch and starts making wild passionate love to her.
When he's finished, he goes right back to the bathroom. A
few minutes later he comes out, rouses her from her bliss and
starts at it again, like an insatiable young man.

After another hour of great sex he goes and locks himself in
the bathroom again. At this point the wife has become
unbearably curious. She tiptoes to the bathroom door, looks
through the keyhole, and sees her husband, staring at himself
in the mirror, fingers pointed at his temples, repeating:
"That woman is not my wife, that woman is not my wife....."