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So this guy takes his wife to the doctor. Says to the doc "She doesn't seem to be well, can you check her out" ?
The doc runs some tests and tells the guy "Your wife has either Alzheimer's or Aids"
The guy says "what should I do"?
The doc says "Take her for a 20 mile ride into the woods and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't f*ck her".
 

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So I changed my avatar. I was thinking of changing my handle too. Mebbe..
1. Roadpizza.455
2. Readyeddie.455
3. Longslong.455
4. Muffdivr.455
5. Bpmc.455
6. Tarheel.455
7. Lickstreamer.455
8. Bigfoot.455
Anyways what do y'all think?
 

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How 'bout 455?

Super Duty 455?

Hurst Olds 455?

joe
 

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A young man went to a hoe house, but all the girls were sold out except one old hag.

She was so gone to hell looking he didn't want to stick his Johnson in there so he used his foot.

The next day his foot itched so he went to the ER. The doc said young man you have a sexually transmitted disease on your foot.

The young man said, gee doc I bet this is unusual. The doc said not really there was an old lady just in here who has athletes foot in her p鈭歴sy.
 

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Discussion Starter #28
A guy and a girl meet at a bar.
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says,
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replies. "You keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist."
The guy, now with an inflated ego, says,
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies....




"I didn't feel a thing!"
 

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A guy meets a gal at Burger King. They go home. They smoke a blunt and drink mushroom tea. The gal starts feeling frisky. She removes her blouse and said Paris 1980.

He says, eh.

She removes her pants and says Paris 1990.

Eh.

Removes her bra. Says Paris 2000.

Eh.

Removes her panties Paris 2010.

Eh. She stares at him like he is crazy. So he unzips his pants and says reach in there. He said what do you feel? She says nothing.

Vietnam 1971.
 

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A group of hunters from SE North Carolina partitioned the governor for another month of deer hunting season. He said why sure boys, but what you going to call it? Call what they say. The governor said y'all hunt 12 months a year now. If we going to have a 13 month year in NC we got to call the month something.
 

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Early in Hillary's marriage, Billy Bob showed up with a big wooden box. He put it in the closet and told her not to look in it until after he died. The box followed them to Little Rock, DC and then New York, and Hillary never looked in it.

Then one night last week she stubbed her toe on it. As she was cursing and rubbing her toe, she started to wonder about what might be in it. So she decided to have a peek. Inside she found three empty beer cans and $81,587.25.

Feeling bad about it, the next morning she told Bill that she had peeked.

Bill didn't seem to mind. So she asked him what it was about.

He told her that it was to help him stay faithful. Every time he had cheated, he put a empty beer can in the box.

So Hillary counted them off in her mind, There was Jones, and Lewinski, and Flowers. So three cans three times she had caught him.

She thought it was a bit of an empty gesture, but at least it showed that he cared.

She told him that the three cans wasn't so bad, but what about the money.

And Bill replied:

Well, every time the box filled up with cans, I took the cans to the recycling plant and cashed them in. Then when I got home, I put the money back in the box :whistle:
Heard this one slightly differently, with the wife having the box with eggs in it, but pretty much the same idea. !!thumbs
 

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Discussion Starter #35
Daughter-in-law sent me this. For some reason it reminded her of me.



Sent from my 2 Tin Cans With A String using Tapatalk
 

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A man was in the ER with oxygen mask and IV's. The nurse walked in and the man said, excuse me nurse, but are my testicles black? The nurse pulled the gown up and proceeded to examine his gonads then said she didn't see anything wrong.

The man with a big smile pulled the oxygen mask down and said, dear that was lovely what you did down there, but what I said was are my test results back yet?

tarheel
 
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