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This is a really crappy way to start a new year Cap. I'm really at a loss for words because anything I want to say just seems not worthy of what you are going through.

Above all, try to keep your faith in whatever keeps you going. We spend our lives making memories and those memories will always make us the happiest we can be and the saddest we can be. Memories outlive all of us so enjoy them while you can.

God blessed you and your wife with a good chunk of time together. Don't ever forget that.
 

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Discussion Starter #42
Well the stomach tube set up for walking around has to be better than it was 17 yrs ago. Soon enough we will be at the beach for the spring crabbing season and fishing. I got her an electric reel for Christmas. I try to do what I can for her if I want to go to Cherokee in April again.

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Discussion Starter #44
Very sorry for you. Brings back thoughts of my mom's battle with cancer a few years ago.
Hey man its cool. They wanted to send her home tomorrow, but my daughter who took a leave to stay with her almost 24/7 showed her tail and said she needs therapy first as the wife hasn't been out of bed in 3 weeks. She walked in she can walk out. Her BP was 195/110 and sugar was 301 when I got there. I thought they gave her morphine the way she was acting. You have to keep after these people in the hospital. They figure she is 76 so what the hell. I'll get a couple thousand out the safe for my daughter or she will have a bad month.

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The Best Me I Can Be
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Good thing we already have nice Evos.

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That's right. 2 wheeled champagne.

joe
 

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Discussion Starter #46
Just when I thought the going was good she relapsed. The food going into the tube into the stomach seemed to work, but the liquid went up the throat back into the lungs causing pneumonia again. They put that machine on her that forces air into the lungs to dry them out. The surgeon said she might last 2 days.

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Sending prayers your way.

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Discussion Starter #48
I was talking to Buff last night on the phone and afterwards I was thinking I would have never met him if I wasn't on this forum. Everyone here has helped me make it through 2 strokes, a broke ankle and now this. Not to mention an attitude adjustment for the better. Thanks everyone.

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So many similarities to when my mom went. You are right, they figure she is old and "not worth" proper treatment. So very sad to see that these statements still hold in other parts of our country. Especially after you submit the DNR! Fight them, they will give in and give her better treatment if they know you are going to fight every step of the way.

After the first feeding tube, my mom said, "never again" she really suffered from that thing. In the end, my brothers, myself, and my father had to allow this to happen her way because it was her wish. I cried for days and still get very sad thinking about it, still too fresh 3 years later. After two years of ups and downs and trying to come to terms with the inevitable end, none of us were really prepared.

I will warn you about one thing... Once you go on Hospice, it is the end. They wouldn't even let my mom have IV fluids to re-hydrate her.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
The hospice nurse came by talked so much I started getting drowsy. I said I remembered how they took care of my father. I could see she thought it was a compliment. I said I didn't mean that in a good way. My daughter is looking into a nursing home near by as the hospital won't keep her forever. The one she works at the biggest facility around is closed because of mold problems from hurricanes. Sandra and other workers are bused back and forth to another home an 1 1/2 hrs away. They get paid for riding, but still it has gotten old.

Her children have a far better outlook than I do. They think putting her in a nursing home is the way to go. My wife had to stay in one 3 times for knee surgery and once recovering from pneumonia. She said she would rather die than go back and she wouldn't be alone as her parents would be waiting for her and not to worry. Here she is dying and she is worried about me.

I met my first wife in Brunswick Co., met my second in Columbus Co. She said when she passes I better not be in Bladen Co. looking for another wife or she will haunt me. No dear no more wives for this man learnt my lesson.

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So sorry your wife is going thru this, Capt., and you & the rest of your family too. Wish I had some comforting words to offer but I can't think of anything to say to make things any better for the wife or you.

My younger brother sustained an unrepairable injury to his brain stem and some internals when he was about 27 years old, leaving him partially paralized and in a wheelchair. Later in life his organs had been shutting down slowly but surely over a period of a few of years. I was his legal guardian since he was 15 years old. So to me he was kind of like my child as well as my brother. In August of 2014 when he was just 53 years old, it was just tubes and machines keeping him alive. Weak, miserable, and in pain, he told me more than once he wanted it to end. Things continued and got to the point that he was so drugged up on pain meds, he was about totally out of it. After consulting with doctors and family members, I made the decision to pull the plug, and let him go.

I mention the above just to let you know that in a way, I feel your pain. Seeing a loved one suffer and then finally leave, is about the hardest or worse we go through. But we have to keep going until it's our turn.

God bless, Capt.
 

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Discussion Starter #52
She is sleeping here after she got some morphine. I'm like let her go Lord.


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So sorry to hear about this, Cap! 😢 Seems like you're doing well, though. Keep up the great attitude! Prayers going your way!
 

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More prayers your way. My aunt had alzheimers and my uncle broke his hip. My cousins had to sell the house and all the belongings and give the money to the nursing home plus sign over their Social Security. They were in the home until they both passed away from malnutrition. Bad places.
 

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Discussion Starter #56
More prayers your way. My aunt had alzheimers and my uncle broke his hip. My cousins had to sell the house and all the belongings and give the money to the nursing home plus sign over their Social Security. They were in the home until they both passed away from malnutrition. Bad places.
Too bad they didn't have a mortgage on the house they wouldn't have had to sell anything plus one spouse would qualify for Medicaid plus keep their SS in the bank. How do I know this, my wife is the one spouse. She has her own bank account in a different bank I don't have bereavement rights or anyone else. She has her name on the mortgage, but nothing else. They can't touch my assets and I have plenty. I knew this was coming as she has been in declining health since 03. She was my co pilot until the last year or so. I don't have to put out a dime. If someone would have paid the 20% that Medicare didn't pay then the family could have kept everything including the SS.

If anyone sees their day coming where they have to decide what to do don't go to family services without some solid advice from a food stamp recipient. They know the ends and outs of the system. The case worker will try to trip you up with vehicles they don't have to get you to name the ones they have. They don't know if you don't tell them. Be honest, but be careful of your answers.
Get a lawyer and have a family member to sign a lien on the house. They can't touch it if it has a lien.

My wife lived with a daughter for 11 years the last 9 with me when I retired. I have an oxygen machine, neublizer, handicap toilet, bars, walkers, canes, 2 different electric wheelchairs, 100% medical and prescriptions. I don't pay a dime. However I do have 2 cars, a truck, a trike and looking for a M50.

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Sorry to read all this Cap.
When my mom passed dad kept her home with hospice care coming in to care for her. They were absolutely a Godsend. In the end they gave her something that took her out of her misery. We were all there as she left us. I will never forget it and am so happy (weird to say but you know what I mean) that we as a family were all with her at the time.
You will remain in my thoughts..
 

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Discussion Starter #58
Yes I agree the hospice folks that came to the house with my father were the best. The male nurse came to help my father helped me when he recognized the beginning of my stroke before I did. As he was talking to 911 he gave me 4 regular aspirin. If it wasn't for him I would have been in the hospital longer than a week. He came to visit me as he was at the hospital for a meeting and saw me working my fingers on the left hand. Brian smiled and said, it was good that I was doing therapy in bed. I said this is my clutch hand the clutch hand has got to work.haha

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Just when I thought the going was good she relapsed. The food going into the tube into the stomach seemed to work, but the liquid went up the throat back into the lungs causing pneumonia again. They put that machine on her that forces air into the lungs to dry them out. The surgeon said she might last 2 days.

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Sorry to hear about all of this. You have to watch these fuks in any kind of care facility. There is only one I've ever seen I would trust with a family member and it's tough to get in there because their reputation makes for a long waiting list. While waiting my mother-in-law was bounced around to different facilities and the last one was nearly her undoing. When my wife walked in one day her mom was moaning and and coughing and her stomach was huge. She couldn't speak to tell anyone what was wrong but kept moving her hand toward her stomach. Turns out they had miscalculated how much 'food' to push into her and the stuff was backing up into her throat. My wife went more apeshit than I had ever seen her and within two hours had her mom out of there. Wouldn't you know the fuks sent us a bill for a $5 balance. They never got their money.
 

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My stepfather is on his, they just removed the feeding tubes today. I couldn't even imagine if it was my wife, I love her dearly, but would still rather her go first and not have to deal with the pain it'd cause her if it was me that went first.
 
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