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Three nuns died in a car accident and were approaching the pearly gates. St. Peter met them and said y'all have to be clean before entering. He asked the first nun if she was ever with a man? I touched his privates she said. Wash your hands in that bowl Sister. Then he notices the other two fighting to get to the bowl. Hey what goes here? The second nun said, I want to wash my mouth out before she washes her azz.

tarheel
 

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Friendship Test

This test wiil prove who your "real" friend is:

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight. In the morning when you open the trunk, take note of which one is happy to see you.
 

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Sick jokes huh?

A cruise ship was sinking and a Rabbi and a Priest were getting in a lifeboat. The Priest said what about the children? The Rabbi said screw the children. The Priest said, do you think we have time?

tarheel
 

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This test wiil prove who your "real" friend is:



Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight. In the morning when you open the trunk, take note of which one is happy to see you.


That's one of my favorites.

Although a couple hours is long enough.

rkc
 

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An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

“No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
I like this one.
 

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Bill Clinton was touring hell with the devil looking in room after room of souls being tortured. Finally they came to a room with Monica blowing George Bush. Bill said, I'll take this room. Devil was like you sure cause this is forever. Bill says I can handle this. The devil said , ok Monica you can leave.

tarheel
 

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A 4th grade teacher was teaching her class about biology and told them that humans were the only animals that stuttered. A little girl raises her hand and tells the class that she had a kitty that stuttered. The teacher asked her to describe just how was it that her kitty had stuttered. She said that while playing in the backyard the neighbor's rottweiler had jumped the fence and her kitty responded with "ffff" "ffff" "ffff" and before it could say [email protected], the dog ate it!
 

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The Best Me I Can Be
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A 4th grade teacher was teaching her class about biology and told them that humans were the only animals that stuttered. A little girl raises her hand and tells the class that she had a kitty that stuttered. The teacher asked her to describe just how was it that her kitty had stuttered. She said that while playing in the backyard the neighbor's rottweiler had jumped the fence and her kitty responded with "ffff" "ffff" "ffff" and before it could say [email protected], the dog ate it!
I had an Air Force Chief, probably the most capable man I've ever worked for, who stuttered. He'd get hung on the 'F' sound, something awful. The facial contortions that poor man went through were both comical and painful to watch.

He never let it stop him or get him down. He'd repeat as many times as was needed until you understood. As luck would have it, one of the key team members was named 'Fred'. 'F-F-F-F-F-Fred' is burned in deep in my memory.

joe
 

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An old man took his wife to see the doctor. After several tests the doctor told the old man that his wife either has AIDS or Alzheimer's but the tests couldn't determine which so far. The old man asked the doctor what he should do. The doctor told him to take his wife to a strange neighborhood and let her out of the car, if she is able to find her way home, don't screw her.
 

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Medical Terminology

Tonsil removal - tonsillectomy
Appendix removal - appendectomy
Female procedure - hysterectomy
Male procedure - vasectomy
Female sex change - addadicktomy
 

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Two men have throats slit in "trendy" area of Paris, attacker heard shouting "Allahu Akbar". Which translated now means, "nothing to do with islam!"
 

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There was this guy that had never been with chic. Wasn't even sure how to get a chic. So one day he heard that Harley riders get all the women they can handle. And now off to the dealer he goes, buys the first bike he sees. A month goes by and still no luck. Goes to a couple biker bars, still nothing to be had. A group of bro's finally figured out what the guy was tryin' to do. They figured it would be cool to just send this guy to see the bar hooker. So they pooled a few dollars together and told the guy, here, now go see the chic over there and give her this money and she will take care of ya. He pays her and she drags his butt upstairs. OK she says. Tell me what you want.... well... I really don't know one thing from another, so just give me what ya think I aught to have. No no no, I am the pro. You have to tell me what you want. Do you want a straight fukk, around the world, a sixty-nine, a..... wait, wait... what was that last thing you said? She said, 69. He said, I'll take one of them what ever that is. She tells him to strip naked and get in the bed. Then yanks her clothes off, climbs on top and starts the "69". Well right after she starts, she gets these terrible gas pains.... and cuts a fart right in his face! A few minutes later she does it again!! After a minute or two she looks down at the guy and asked him, how do you like it so far? Well, I like what you are doing down there, and I don't want you to think I am complaining or anything.... but I don't think I can take "67" more of them!!!
 

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Get ready, I'm finna make your day--

I used to be hooked on the Hokey-Pokey but I turned myself around.

joe
 

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LOL Teamwork- it's a wonderful thing.

joe

ain't it so.....we all need much more of it nation wide...personal
and political.

btw, i listen to your mavericks "dance the night away" vid
from time to time for a pick me up, great tune and humorous
vid as well. i played it for wifey last night, she enjoyed it as
well.
 

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ain't it so.....we all need much more of it nation wide...personal
and political.

btw, i listen to your mavericks "dance the night away" vid
from time to time for a pick me up, great tune and humorous
vid as well. i played it for wifey last night, she enjoyed it as
well.
I'm glad you liked it.

I love their music but never thought to watch a video. I think I will, thanks.

joe
 
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