[sofia91]

Anyone out there found any good places to get insights or guidance for me with my heroin addicted son. He's 34 and while he quit cold turkey once before, I'm sure he's using again. He doesn't live home, already lost his very good job, and I'm sure he's going to lose his home and just about everthing else he owns which isn't the point if he could get his life back together and stay clean.
I helped him financially the last time and tried to help him any other way possible, but when push came to shove, couldn't get him to let me go to meetings with him or anything else, and now that he's using again, I have no idea what to do so I'm keeping my distance. I haven't found anything on the web or any other place to get ideas.

 

[nortster]

Anyone out there found any good places to get insights or guidance for me with my heroin addicted son. He's 34 and while he quit cold turkey once before, I'm sure he's using again. He doesn't live home, already lost his very good job, and I'm sure he's going to lose his home and just about everthing else he owns which isn't the point if he could get his life back together and stay clean.
I helped him financially the last time and tried to help him any other way possible, but when push came to shove, couldn't get him to let me go to meetings with him or anything else, and now that he's using again, I have no idea what to do so I'm keeping my distance. I haven't found anything on the web or any other place to get ideas.

You can always find a motorcyclist who will try to help.
We been through, or know someone who has been through things most people cannot even imagine.

I met people at Narcotics Anonymous who had quit heroin and everything else but tobacco.
You cannot save anyone who is an addict.
They have to save themselves.

Lots of people go to meetings to hook with sources, so it still comes down to he has to want it.

Trouble is addicts start using to get high, then they end up using to feel normal.

Helping any addict financially is merely enabling them to continue the addiction.


Go to NA.org for ideas,
but take care of yourself.
You need to survive also.
Codependents Anonymous is the place for ideas about that.

 

[LoneEagle964]

look here http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ find a group near you , it can not only help your son but also anyone with any hurt habit or hangup that they have . However as nortster said no one can be helped that does not want help, the first step in recovery from anything is coming out of denial. Good luck with your son .

LoneEagle

 

[xandvphyle]

sofia91

good advice and good resources for you....
having been on both sides of this fence, I can tell you it was tuffer on me being a family member of the alcoholic that being the alcoholic...all i had to do was quit with help of people who cared. As a "codependant" I fretted not only over the user but myself and trying to contol the behavior of someone else just doesnt work no matter howmuch $ I threw at him/her

 

[sofia91]

I've tried most of the resourses suggested and the insights are somewhat helpful. It's hard to tell if someone is out of denial. I don't think I'm enabling in any way now unless a complete lack of contact is a form of enablement, but because it feels wrong to turn my back on this problem, I need to see if I've overlooked anything I could do to truly help. I guess the crux of it is I wonder if there's any way to accelerate his seeing where he is and what is going to happen to him in the future if he doesn't wake up.
Right now we are at the call me if you get serious about reclaiming your life point of things.

 

[nortster]

I've tried most of the resourses suggested and the insights are somewhat helpful. It's hard to tell if someone is out of denial. I don't think I'm enabling in any way now unless a complete lack of contact is a form of enablement, but because it feels wrong to turn my back on this problem, I need to see if I've overlooked anything I could do to truly help. I guess the crux of it is I wonder if there's any way to accelerate his seeing where he is and what is going to happen to him in the future if he doesn't wake up.
Right now we are at the call me if you get serious about reclaiming your life point of things.

An arrest would accelerate deciding to get help, but he might never forgive if you are in any way involved.
Best wishes and hope he hits bottom and survives to bounce back.
Just be there when he needs real useful help in recovery, & know that monkey is always gonna be sitting there waiting for another chance to dig in the claws.

 

[2010 FLHX]

"I'm not going to provide financial support for you while you f**k up your life." -- Some addicts need to hit rock-bottom, and the only way to get there is to run out of $$$ and enabling family/friends.

Sooner or later they get arrested, or end up in the ER on life support. If that's what it takes, then maybe that's what it takes.

(Yeah, we've been there.)

 

[sofia91]

Thanks for the talk. I still fell helpless, but at least I don't feel guilty for not being able to help him until he helps himself.

For real, thanks.

 

[on2wls]

Very good information from all.
Always make yourself available for talking and setting an example for him of normal behavior.
Always encouraging, and inspiring, but clear and firm on unacceptable behavior.
No monetary assistance what so ever.

I was tough on my son, mean tough, but always saying I love you.
I am so proud of him now, and it is me that he respects above all others.

Lean on Christ when you struggle with feeling like your being too mean he will bless your efforts.

My son is a respectable young man (today), you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ajvague]

Good on you. Keeping your distance may be the best thing for both of you. May be part of him crashing and burning sooner. It's not your job to keep him from his bottom, and you, nor anybody else can choose his bottom for him.
Some of us hit the skids and keep right on going…consequences don't really influence the hardcore addict. It's an inner, undeniably empty, hollow hole that eventually even the drugs won't fill anymore. Take care of yourself and if it's really impacting your life you could look into nar-anon support groups…
Good Luck