Speaking of heat, here is a funny one
WELCOME TO Las Vegas................... But remember...It's a dry heat!
May 30th:
Just moved to Las, Nevada...Now this is a city that knows how to
live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts
blend together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a
blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.
I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air
conditioned home, drive an air conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the
sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher
today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least it's nice and windy though. But getting used to
it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed
two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got
to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to
the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather
upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles
and Shits!! No more pets in this heat!!
July 25th:
This wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot
as hell. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in
my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to
tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking
Garfield!!
Aug 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black
leather seat in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost two
layers of flesh. Now my car smells like burnt ass and fried cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's
been too hot to do **** for two damn months and the weatherman says it
might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert?
Water rationing will be next so $1,700 worth of cactus just might dry up
and blow into the damn pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14:
Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 113 today. If I had wanted to move
to Death Valley, I would have moved there instead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damned windshield out of the
Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail!