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Premium Member
148 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I've noticed that the quality of flaming and name calling on this site has really dropped off recently. I thought I would post this to help out those that just can't "find the right words".

When insults had CLASS!

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend...if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -- Winston Churchill, in response

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. " -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -- Billy Wilder​

I haven't seen your bird.
8,499 Posts
Originally posted by Me
They can't put it out there on the Internet if it isn't true, right?
I cannot verify any of it, but here it is:

Lady Nancy Astor once got annoyed at Winston Churchill. "Winston," she said sharply, "if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee." "And if I were your husband," responded Churchill, "I'd drink it."

I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
Steven Pearl

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
P.G. Wodehouse

Yes, Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat — at least, not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual average, I should judge that a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales.
Mark Twain

Dustin Farnum: "I've never been better! In the last act yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats."
Oliver Herford: "How clever of you to think of it."
Author Unknown

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English professor, Ohio University

I could eat alphabet soup and shiite better lyrics.
Johnny Mercer, on a British musical

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Dorothy Parker, book review

During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai E. Stevenson: "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!".
Stevenson called back "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!
Author Unknown

wandering but not lost
116 Posts

Well, it isn't exactly a quote but in the same vein...
My favorite Yiddish curse (which sadly I cannot say in the proper tongue) is:

"May your children be so clever that they are acquitted of your murder."

Great quotes fxdxtsport & MadCity!
Thanks for posting them.


17,245 Posts
May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground and your feet in the air.

May you have a thousand feather beds and a broken back.

they really are better in the original Yiddush.
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