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Old 12-23-2017, 11:00 AM   #1276 (permalink)
The Best Me I Can Be
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireguy's RK View Post
If you die, can I have your bike?
Well, sorry. I told her and only received scorn in return.

joe
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Old 12-23-2017, 02:42 PM   #1277 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homesick View Post
Foreplay?

joe


Quote:
Originally Posted by Homesick View Post
Well, sorry. I told her and only received scorn in return.

joe
That's what I got. The pillow was a weapon of convenience.

I'm just here for the beer.
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Old 04-03-2018, 10:26 PM   #1278 (permalink)
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Did I tell y'all about the time I accidently swallowed some Scrabble tiles?

I was really worried that my next bowel movement would spell 'disaster'.

joe
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Old 04-17-2018, 03:55 PM   #1279 (permalink)
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Biker Joke

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too."

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"

To this old biker smiled and answered,
"Who said he wanted to?"
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Old 04-17-2018, 05:41 PM   #1280 (permalink)
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LOL Talk about your wild rides, but the punchline was worth it.

joe
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Old 07-09-2018, 05:23 PM   #1281 (permalink)
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I Got Fed Up

I got fed up and told my therapist that I was tired of my wife treating me like I was Charlie Brown and she was Lucy.

The therapist said I have analogy to peanuts.

LOL That's some good corn right there, I don't care who you are.

joe
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:36 PM   #1282 (permalink)
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captainhook455 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
A woman spied a parrot in a pet store for 15 bucks. What a deal. The proprietor said the parrot was in a ho house and spoke foul language. The lady always wanted a parrot and the price was right. Maybe she could teach it other words.

She gets home and the parrot says awk, another home another madam.

Her daughter gets home from jr high and the parrot says, awk, a new hooker.

The husband walks in from work and the parrot said, awk, hi George.
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Old 07-15-2018, 05:42 PM   #1283 (permalink)
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q- what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

a- one's big and heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:47 PM   #1284 (permalink)
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What did Socialists use for lighting, before candles?

Electricity.

joe
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