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Old 12-13-2018, 01:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this? twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
True Story if you want to believe

"Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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norm9278 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
A man is in the bathroom, and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.

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Old 12-13-2018, 04:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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hillcat wants to know Dino or Syn?
rim shot for both ya'
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Old 12-13-2018, 06:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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norm9278 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
A man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart."Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor."No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

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Old 12-14-2018, 07:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
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twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this? twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by norm9278 View Post
A man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart."Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor."No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

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A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and ….............. a cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
__________________
The Real Trouble With Reality Is That There's No Back Ground Music

"It is usually futile to try to talk
Facts and Analysis to people
who are enjoying a sense of
moral superiority in their Ignorance"



You can't be late until you show up.

Want to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers?
Ban sober drivers from driving. That's how "gun control" works!


"He Who Is Without Oil,
Will Throw The First Rod
Compressions 10.5.1"
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Old 12-14-2018, 07:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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norm9278 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy a ½ a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant explains to him that they only sell whole heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager.

The young produce assistant says he’ll check with his manager and walks into the back room.

“There’s an asshole out there that wants to buy a ½ a head of lettuce.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find that the man is standing right behind him.

So he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later that day the manager said to the young produce assistant, “I was very impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.* We like people that can think on their feet.* Where are you from son?”

“Green Bay, WI sir,” replied the young produce assistant.

“Well, why did you leave Green Bay?” asked the manager.

“Because there’s nothing up there but whores and football players,” replied the young produce assistant.

“Really?” said the manager.* “That’s where my wife is from.”

“No ****?” replied the young produce assistant.* “What position did she play?”



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Old 12-14-2018, 08:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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DurangoDave is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Talking

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchase home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
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Old 12-14-2018, 04:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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A baby seal walked into a club...

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Old 12-15-2018, 10:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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filterless is still riding a stock bike filterless is still riding a stock bike
if you were buried in shitt up to your neck
and someone was gonna puke on your head
would you duck?
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Old 12-15-2018, 05:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
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Old 12-15-2018, 05:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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captainhook455 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Say what you want about deaf people....
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Old 12-15-2018, 05:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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captainhook455 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Where there's a will there is a relative.
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Old 12-15-2018, 05:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Two men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.*One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

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Old 12-15-2018, 06:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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captainhook455 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
I just had a near sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.
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Old 12-15-2018, 06:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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captainhook455 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
My wife bet me I couldn't make a bike outta spaghetti, but I fooled her when I rode pasta.
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