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Old 03-28-2019, 10:33 AM   #91 (permalink)
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Four retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona.* They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."

They look at each other & go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.* The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.* In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other.

They can't believe their good luck.* They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.* Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.* They've each had two martinis and between them haven't even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar.* Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime.* Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same."

"Wow!* That's some story!" one of the men says.* As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida.* They're waiting for Happy Hour when the drinks are half-price."



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Old 03-28-2019, 02:37 PM   #92 (permalink)
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twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this? twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."

Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"

Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable."

To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
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Old 03-28-2019, 02:43 PM   #93 (permalink)
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twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this? twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
Montana Grizzly Bear Notice...
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

"We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
__________________
The Real Trouble With Reality Is That There's No Back Ground Music

"It is usually futile to try to talk
Facts and Analysis to people
who are enjoying a sense of
moral superiority in their Ignorance"



You can't be late until you show up.

Want to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers?
Ban sober drivers from driving. That's how "gun control" works!


"He Who Is Without Oil,
Will Throw The First Rod
Compressions 10.5.1"
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