Suicide

[hotshotfxdl]

Failure ???
In whose eyes have you failed? You maybe your own worst critic.
As for depression I think a very large percentage of people suffer from it. Just most wont admit to it. Instead we engage in diversions to run from it. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. If you know that you have it and acknowledge it you have taken the first step in recovering from it. Once you begin to understand the makings of depression you can begin to deal with it. This is why it is important to see a professional so that you can understand how it works and works on you grinding away at you and eating you up. The mind is a funny thing that can play many games with you.

An example might be if you are stuck watching a show on TV that is annoying and frustrating, what would you do? Grab the clicker and change the channel. When your mind gets stuck, you need to grab the clicker and change the channel. Life is what you make it. I used to always hate that statement, One might think that people cant understand your situation. Well guess what you have the power to change it. It might be as simple as slowing down and letting someone in another car pull out into traffic. It might be as simple as letting someone cut in line in front of you. It might be as simple as helping a neighbor a stranger. It might be as simple as a random act of kindness. It might be a simple as getting a project done that you have wanted to finish for a long time. It might be a simple as going off and taking a ride on the bike. Doing these types of things can help you to feel better about yourself. When you start to feel better about yourself, other things begin to fall into place, and it restores your inner powers.
I lost my Mom / Dad / Sister / Divorce all in a very short time. Knocked me to the ground. Getting out of bed and facing the world was a challenge every single day. But I got help and learned about what makes us all tick. Although I am not an expert by any means I now have the tools and the knowledge to use them to help myself. Fred help yourself, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Get help and learn more about how our minds work and get the tools you need to deal with what ever it s that has brought you so down. Trust me you will enjoy life a lot more. You seem to be a good man. People here enjoy you and certainly want to see you enjoy life. I am living proof I am 55 and in some of the best times of my life.
But short term I would suggest that when you get stuck change the channel, you have the power, trust me.

[mungo]

I see almost 3 pages of responses to this question. Most likely from people you've never met in person. Me? If I called the suicide hot line, they'd route me to someone in India that can't understand me.

This isn't something that comes from a failure. You're not one, but maybe, as we all do from time to time, just have a hard time seeing where we succeed?

[compressor#v]

Can't even begin to wonder what's in a persons head. Just found out yesterday that an old club brother swallowed his shotgun. Had recently lost his job, then his wife. I knew he had experienced some horrible atrocities in Nam, that used give him nightmares, but he always seemed to handle it. That is maybe until now. In speaking with family and friends he refused help. This was one of those guys that all who met him liked him.

[hdwoman48]

Fred, I tried to commit suicide when I was 15 and I've suffered from depressive episodes off and on through my 30's. For me, contemplating suicide was about seeking relief from pain and anguish. It would get so bad that life just seemed like an unending sentence of one bad experience after another, and all I wanted was to stop hurting. What stopped me was knowing others who had been affected by the suicide of a loved one, and seeing the aftermath of guilt, pain and anguish caused by it. And a friend said something to me once that stuck with me - "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Some things that helped me:

1. Volunteer work. There is nothing that helps you keep perspective like working to help feed hungry people, or hard physical labor like helping build a trail that others will enjoy for hiking. Name your organization, but in these days and times, there are lots of them that are grateful for a helping hand.

2. Physical exercise. Get out and walk, at a minimum. It releases natural endorphins, and it really works to help clear the mind.

3. Connect with friends. Go grab a coffee and talk. Let people know that you're hurting, and let people help you. I was always good for walking it alone and not letting anyone close. Duh. That's why they're called "friends", 'cause they're supposed to be there for you, and you them.

4. Don't watch much television. It's depressing most of the time. If you do watch, watch something that will make you laugh. Go to the movies and see a comedy. Nothing too heavy.

5. Go see a therapist. If you don't have much money, a lot of therapists will treat on a sliding scale. Ask friends for referrals. Ask your doctor. If you don't like the first person you see, switch to another. I think shopping for therapists is a lot like shopping for anything else. Sometimes you have to try a few before you buy.

6. Don't be too proud to take medication if you need that kick to get you out of the blue funk you are in. I remember the first time I popped an antidepressant, I felt like such a failure. But depression isn't something you can always think your way out of. Sometimes you need that extra help. And about four weeks into taking meds, I felt like myself again. I don't take them now, but when I needed them, it helped a lot.

7. Don't drink or use drugs to self-medicate. It might seem like the thing to do, to dull the pain. But it won't work in the long run and it keeps your mind from being able to focus.

Sometimes life just seems like one bad thing after another. But I'm so grateful for the good things I've experienced, the good friends I've found and the chance to make it through one more day. Fred, life is hard sometimes, but it isn't always awful. It's difficult to keep that perspective when you are in the throes of a bunch of crap. To the extent you can maintain that perspective, it will help. I wish you all the best.

[ponderopa]

Originally Posted by Fred1369

Behind every silver lining there is a big black cloud.
The light at the end of the tunnel is often an oncoming train.
I love those demotivational posters. If we hadn't sold our van we could be living down by the river.

I haven't seen his post for awhile but Oliver says that if you have running water and a real bed to sleep in then you are ahead of 1/3 the rest of the world.

Beyonce is on SNL. She must be wearing 6 inch stiletto heels. She's knock-kneed and her butt sticks 'way out the back. Those mellons of hers are perfect orbs so they are obviously not real.

Now there is nothing like a good ole bubble butt to remind you of all the good stuff here on the live side!

[TRAYLORTRASH]

SUICIDE... It's a horrible thing to even consider, but many of us either have considered it, tried it, or are gonna do one of those. If you have ever been to that dark place that leads you down that path and you are here reading this, then you pulled through, and you have to be there for those who are going through, or are gonna go through what you defeated. I know from my own experience that religion played a substantial role in me not "pulling the trigger," The thought that if I did that, the consequences would be something that I could not change. Low and behold I never took that leap, not to say that the day won't come when I have to face that demon again, but if I do I would hope that people like the people I found here would be there to help me throught it. So let me say this, if anyone here is in a place that they don't feel as though they want to fight anymore PLEASE feel free to PM me and I will give you my number to call me, I will walk with you through it, and do what I can to help.

[dtroll]

I have bi-polar disorder but not your “normal” bi-polar, it comes with psychotic events (severe hallucinations) on both the down side...depressive...and the up side...mania. I have had it since I was about 18 and have had over the years three major events but it was only diagnosed recently at the age of 54. I am now 59. Five years ago some really life changing events brought me to the bottom in my mind. Thought most everyone around me wanted to do me harm.

The mental torment continued for three weeks and became more severe everyday. It pushed me to go into a very dark closet where my guns were. As I contemplated the deed it became darker..in fact so dark as is the darkness of doing that, it scared the **** out of me and I froze for a while.

A family member found me before things proceeded and got me to the hospital on the fifth floor of the mental ward in SB. As I was escorted through both locked doors most of the physc staff looked to me like demons with long teeth, fangs and fingernails. Figured I was going in there to die. Nothing left...curled up on my bed and prayed. Kind of a Dark Night of the Soul thing. Three weeks later I walked back into the light.

Like mungo said...it’s hard to visualize why unless you’ve been there. I have since learned mental techniques to deal with the visuals and it gets real interesting at times. The visuals on the up side are amazing. Life is good

Thank God for Fred...he makes me laugh

[MadCity]

Wow, that is a pretty powerful (and frightening) tale, dtroll. Glad you found a way to deal.

[sublime]

It takes a courageous man to get up and fight the fight every day. Life is difficult, we face many challenges and losses. If you are fighting for something you believe in and get knocked down you need to rise back up again. If you stop the fight, then you lose. As long as you are still fighting, you are still in the game. Fight on my brother!


________________________________
Metallica's Broken Beaten and Scarred

You rise, you fall, your down, then you rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong
You rise, you fall, your down, then you rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong

Rise, fall, down, rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong
Rise, fall, down, rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong

Through black days
Through black nights
Through pitch black insights

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
But we die hard

The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong
The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong

Dawn, death, fight, final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong
Dawn, death, fight, final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong

They scratched me
They scraped me
They cut and rape me

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
But we die hard

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Braiding your soul in a hard luck story
Show your scars
Spilling your blood in a hot suns foray
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
We die hard

We die hard
We die hard

[Mr Cujo]

Many have shared things here that, if known outside the anonymity of VTF, would be never acknowledged.
You are all brave for doing so and should be well congratulated.

To rally around each other is what friends do, and as has been pointed out above, the majority of us wouldn't know the other if passed on the street.. but yet, we rally up, as friends do and make it happen....All the more reason for me to like it here..
FWIW, I'm proud to know you..

So then...Let me share this.

Many times a day folks stop and say "Hey Cujo! How ya doin' ?! (really, folks call me Cujo everywhere..not just on VTF...)

My reply for the last 20-odd years sounds smart-alecky..but it's actually more true that some may like to admit.
"I'm pretty damn good...I woke up today. Everything past that is a bonus.."
Not necessarily an original nor particularly deep thought, but it works. It's not meant to be smart ass, but with parallels so similar to what has been shared here....you'll get it.

Being that this is in the religion forum, I'll also share that, for me, God is a big part of this success. If you're so inclined to look for help, He's not such a bad guy to ask...



.

[hotshotfxdl]

Fred
Your being pretty silent let us know that you are OK my friend

[knuckleheader]

Originally Posted by compressor#v

Can't even begin to wonder what's in a persons head. Just found out yesterday that an old club brother swallowed his shotgun. Had recently lost his job, then his wife. I knew he had experienced some horrible atrocities in Nam, that used give him nightmares, but he always seemed to handle it. That is maybe until now. In speaking with family and friends he refused help. This was one of those guys that all who met him liked him.

Sorry to hear about your friend comp.

[Fred1369]

Originally Posted by hotshotfxdl

Fred
Your being pretty silent let us know that you are OK my friend

I'm still here. Already have someone in the group helping me out. I feel guilty for him spending time on me. I feel much better when it is me helping someone else.

It is absolutely amazing some of the posts here. They do not match at all my image of youse guys from your usual posts. So, you may have started off caring about me but now you are also caring about the rest of us. Where else could you open up like this? Where else outside of your family would you find so many who cared?

[mungo]

Originally Posted by Fred1369

I feel guilty for him spending time on me. I feel much better when it is me helping someone else.

A lot of us feel that way. But hey, that's what friends are for. Even virtual ones.

Originally Posted by Fred1369

It is absolutely amazing some of the posts here. They do not match at all my image of youse guys from your usual posts. So, you may have started off caring about me but now you are also caring about the rest of us. Where else could you open up like this? Where else outside of your family would you find so many who cared?

Just one motorcycle enthusiast to another. Motorcyclists are some of the best people around.

[FunkyNova66]

Fred, I'll have something for in the AM. I had to leave work early to meet a real estate agent but I was close to finishing.