Suicide

[thehuskybear]

I for one have been down that path and survived... I was 17 and I have to say it wasn't worth it... although I did come out of it with a new outlook on life. I've been throught some **** since then and had some thoughts, but then I think back to how ridiculous I felt afterward.

The thing is, when you are down that low... you aren't looking around you... you are looking INTO yourself. You are at war with yourself... in your own world. You aren't thinking how you might hurt those around you... that thought came for me long before I actually got to that point, but there is a line and once you cross it, there is no turning back.

The thing most people dont realize is that feeling suicidal or depressed is not just a state of mind... most can't just turn it off. For some, such as myself, depression is not a mood, but a health condition. I am bipolar, which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.... so the only way to control my depression (and mania) is medication However, there are those who are driven to suicide by situational depression... these are often people who have backed themselves into corners that they cant get out of (usually having to do with money, drugs, or some sort of crime)

Its a hard thing to wrap your head around if you haven't been there and felt that way... somethings a few kind encouraging words is all it takes... some times you gotta tell a person to get their **** together... and sometimes there is not a damn thing you can do.

I do agree that suicide causes more pain than it fixes, but I don't think it is a selfish thing. But that is coming from the other side of the line.

Just a note... usually someone who is talking about suicide is not entirely serious, but they are seeking help. You will probably not know when someone is truly serious... they probably dont want you to know (so you can't stop them). Just my experience...

[Fred1369]

don't worry guys. I was just thinking the same thing I do every day and nothing has happened yet. This past week has been a real bummer but not yet near my personal bottom. I knew there would be this kind of response but I wasn't calling for help. It would not surprise me at all if someone else here were helped by this catharsis.
Fred

[FunkyNova66]

Fred,

I'm concerned to see this thread brother. I say this from a friend to friend, all politics and bullshit aside. I had a very close friend of mine several years ago talk about the same thing. She unsuccessfully attempted suicide twice but the 3rd time she finally drove to lowes hardware, bought a rope, walked to a secluded area near Nights Play Golf Coarse off 10-10 road (your familiar with the area) and hung herself. It was such a tragic waste of life. She left a 6 yr old boy, an entire family and all her friends devastated. I spent 3 weeks walking those woods over there trying to find her body because we knew she had bought the rope (from her credit card reciepts) and abandoned car in a nearby secluded road.

You need to talk to people. Get your mind straight. Stay focused and move forward. One of my favorite all time movies is "It's a wonderful life" with James Stewart. It really puts things into perspective. The lives you impact over your lifetime and impressions you leave on friends, family, and strangers are epic.

Call me Fred. I've PMd you my numbers.

Dave

[hotshotfxdl]

Worried about ya man hope today is going better for ya.

[DJW]

Just one more thing Fred:

You never see a Harley parked in the Psychiartist's parking lot. There is no substitute for a road trip. You have my number, and the door is always open. I'll even pick up a bottle of manischewiz or three.

[knuckleheader]

I agree with with Bob. It's a selfish act that hurts family and

friends. My sister had a "friend" kill (gun) herself while she pleaded

for her to stop.

I tell my sister on occasion to be angey with her. Not to second

guess herself forever.

Fred, the best thing you could do is stop drinking/pot.

Clear your head. Then make decisions.

[Fred1369]

Behind every silver lining there is a big black cloud.
The light at the end of the tunnel is often an oncoming train.
I love those demotivational posters. If we hadn't sold our van we could be living down by the river.

I haven't seen his post for awhile but Oliver says that if you have running water and a real bed to sleep in then you are ahead of 1/3 the rest of the world.

Beyonce is on SNL. She must be wearing 6 inch stiletto heels. She's knock-kneed and her butt sticks 'way out the back. Those mellons of hers are perfect orbs so they are obviously not real.

[James]

Originally Posted by Fred1369

Beyonce is on SNL. She must be wearing 6 inch stiletto heels. She's knock-kneed and her butt sticks 'way out the back. Those mellons of hers are perfect orbs so they are obviously not real.

It's good to see that you've been distracted.

[mungo]

I have to sort of disagree that it's a selfish act.

Granted for the person committing suicide, there's no more worries, no more depression. For the one left behind, their is unfathomable grief and sadness.

But putting a gun to your head is not a rational thought. No rational man would do such a thing. My point being is that when a person sinks to that level, they can't see the mess the will be leaving behind.

It's a (perceived) uncontrollable pain, or rather a "static" in your head that drives you to such a point. I've been there twice in my life.

What I learned from my experience is that if it's thoughts that can break you, then it's thoughts that can make you. If it's just thoughts in your head, then *you* can control them. This realization was very empowering for me and my life.

I've always thought that no matter what happens to me today, tomorrow I will still wake up to a new day. So, I really like the quote posted from "Castaway": "I gotta keep breathing. Cuz tomorrow The Sun will rise....."

So, no, I can't say that it is a selfish act. The person with thoughts of suicide isn't thinking right and needs some external influence to shake them from this.

For me, both times, it was my dog of all things that kept me from pulling the trigger. I owe him my life, literally.

[wdgld]

I was surprised to see this thread from you Fred.
I was going to say that I would never have had you pegged as the type, but i'm wondering if there is a type. I think that no one has the right to judge on this as obviously a lot of us have never gotten so low as to even contemplate it, let alone attempt it.
I lost a close friend almost 20 years ago now, he took himself off and hung himself after his fiance left him. He was always with a smile on his face, even after this event, and I kick myself for not being more supportive when he really needed it(even if he didn´t show it)
Credit to you for fronting up and admitting your own attempt. I think it takes guts to do so.

By the way, your (normally)witty posts are way more entertaining than Beyonce too!!

[Scrubs]

"...don't take this world too seriously, you'll never make it out alive".

I was 28 at the time, and that was 18 yrs ago, with a failure that took me down a long, dark road. It wasn't getting any brighter either.

Divorce had always been the thing I loathed/feared the most coming from a torn immediate family (mom & pop), who had come from a dysfunctional one (mom's).

I had seen a ton of bad stuff happen to people, being an EMT/paramedic for more than 12 yrs.; and those experiences had caused me to doubt any existence of anything at all...be it a higher power or lowly beings.

Without getting overly dramatic or emotional, I can tell you that I had the means and the ways and the thoughts that raced through my head telling me to just get it over with.

I had people that cared about me; I had an education; and I had the material things that most of us here in the forum have - that we now realize doesn't guarantee a damned thing.

There had been friends in my past that had done the worst, and I'd seen the pain left behind...but, none of those things seemed to matter.

At that point in my life, I'd realized that there are too many of us that need the help and don't want it; or, want the help, but don't use their courage to ask for it.

Mostly, I had also come to understand that..."if it's the thoughts that can break you..." just like has been said here already.

So, where am I going with this? Every single one of these heartfelt concerns are for you Fred, as well as everyone else who cares to click on this thread.
There's truth in every single word and that may make the difference.

The only thing that did the trick for me was making a huge life-altering change that didn't involve overt lethality (or, religion). My family thought that I had truly lost my mind, but, it worked.

And, now, 18 yrs. later I can reflect and see the errors of my past and logically work my problems to a satisfying conclusion.
I look forward to growing old with my best friend: myself.

Speaking of one of my favorite things - movies, "Eventually, we all reach a point where life stops giving you things, and starts to take them away."

Good luck, ya'll.

[shrinkman2]

Fred, as a mental health therapist please follow my suggestion that you see someone now. The problem most of my clients have is that they wait and wait to come in, then they are very depressed and it takes much more work to return to a better state. Go now...don't wait until the depression gets worse. As I am sure you already are aware, please be concerned for those in your family....from the aspect that suicide runs in families. Look around at biological relatives in order to recognize depression in them also and support them if needed. Again, as I am sure you already know, there is a reason you are as depressed as you are. It may be environmental or it may be physiological. Most of the time if it's physiological we find someone biologically related that also has similar issues. Persons are reluctant to take medications, that actually work very well, for a number of reasons. First, we are taught in our society not to take anyhing "addictive". Those who take "drugs" and become addicted are taking other families of drugs that have a physical potential of addiction. Antidepressants do not have the potential for physical addiction. (some would disagree with this as they have stopped their antidepressants abruptly and experienced some issues....some of them if you stop it abruptly feels like the flu...they should be tapered slowly). Secondly, persons will try one and if it doesn't work they stop it before going up on the dose, and/or it makes them feel bad and they assume all will make them feel bad and never try another. Our bodies are different and respond differently. That's why there's different brands of asprin....all slightly different and some work better for some than others. Enough of all this education....you know everything I've just written if you've been dealing with this for a long time. We all support you but can't help you. You know the drill....go now and help yourself!!! Good Luck

[BVBOB]

Fred, I apologize with my first post and being a bit harsh, but I have seen more than my share of the devastation left behind by suicide, but maybe Mungo is on to something, my buddy was one of the most unselfish people I have ever known, so it makes sense he was not even close to being in his right mind at the time of the act. And I also know if he could have seen the future and what his death did to his father in particular he would never have pulled the trigger.

[Fred1369]

for me it is not a depression thing, it is a failure thing. How many times do ya have to get knocked down before you don't want to get up again? I have known a few people who have done this and they surprized everyone because they had always been so happy. We had no clues whatsoever. I don't understand why they would do this but I can feel why they did it. Hopelessnes is a nauseating feeling.

[thehuskybear]

Originally Posted by Fred1369

for me it is not a depression thing, it is a failure thing. How many times do ya have to get knocked down before you don't want to get up again? I have known a few people who have done this and they surprized everyone because they had always been so happy. We had no clues whatsoever. I don't understand why they would do this but I can feel why they did it. Hopelessnes is a nauseating feeling.

Fred, failure unfortunately is a part of life... you can't succeed without a failure along the way.

Here is a quote that might help... I think I heard it on Dirty jobs...

not sure exactly how it goes, but it is something like... It took Thomas Edison 2000 attempts to invent a working lightbulb.. when asked how he felt about all those failures, he said " I have not failed. I've just found 2,000 ways that won't work."

The thing is, no one here is really going to be able to say anything that will magically make you feel better. You have to find your own way through the tunnel of darkness. You may find it by mistake, like I did, or you may be able to seek it out. The best advice I can give is to get out and do some exercise... it really helps with depression, then go talk with a Psychiatrist who may be able to give you an anti-depressant. Shrinkman has the right idea.. you will have to help yourself.

Good luck to you... just remember things will always look different from another perspective.