Need help after losing father

[2010hdultra]

Hey guys. I jnow ive only been active on here just recently but through the last few months, ive noticed everyone has had alot of experiences and was wanting some help or advice. Back in august i got a call that my father was in an accident. He was hit head on by a explorer that swerved into his lane. Mom was on her bike just in front of him and was almost hit but was fortunate enough to be missed, but she did happen to look in the mirror just in time to see dad getting hit and flying over the explorer. Needless to say he died at the hospital. Now for a little of background. I have always been close to my parents. We went on numerous vacations while i was growing up. Spent the weekend at the lake fishing and swimming and riding the boat. I have wanted a bike since before i can remember. Mom always said i couldn't have one while i was under her roof. So after college i moved out and bought bike soon after. Over the past decade they have bought a fourwheeler to go fourwheeling with and started with two scooters about 6yrs ago and decided after a few months of riding in town with me they were ready for the big guns. They ended up getting a goldwing trike later that summer and another that fall since mom decided the first one was hers... then i up graded to an ultra classic in fall of 09. My wife and i put about 10k/yr on the ultra and many of those were with mom and dad. We rode to the MB, pigeon forge, deals gap, and many other places for vacation together. Also very many short around town and local rides. Ussually a few hindred miles every week. What i need help with is 1. Is it selfish of me wanting to continue to ride? I ride to work, by myself, me and the wife have riden since our first date. And we put.alot of miles on with them as well. 2. Should i talk to mom about riding again? If so how? She lved to ride. She ussually called me to see what time i was off work since i work retail im ussually off any where around 5-9 pm. We would ride after work almost everyday. Even if it was just to go to dq for a hotdog and blizzard. We had actually planned to ride.to.the county fair the sat dad was hit. But mom only rode with us. She didnt.ride alone. Dad would ride alone sometimes when he had to got.outa town to pick something up. Had his little pull behind trailer and wed.got to grocery store and load it up. We always got weird.looks going to three bike with two buggies.of groceries. So since she only rode.when dad rode, should i get her back into it or.just do my own thing and find me a bunch of new riding buddies. And do stuff.with her that doesnt include bikes? Thank you wall for.any help you can give.

[Homesick]

deleted

joe

[Kool-Aid]

Please accept my condolences and prayers to you and your family.
I would seek a professional counselor to help everyone involved-ASAP. The grief over the loss of a family member is a difficult and complex process. Seek each other for support as well. I would hope that after some family discussions and time, your questions/concerns will be easier to determine what is best for everyone.

[BVBOB]

The best advice I can give is to ask yourself what your dad would want you to do, that will be the correct answer for your situation.

[Bronxhog]

you can't go through life trying to make others happy-if riding is in your blood then you must do it.

if you want to narrow your risk then don't commute to work with the bike-just use it for recreation.

[DueceDog]

You asked us if it would a good idea to try and get your mother back in to riding. Did you ask her? That's the starting point. If she isn't ready yet, then just let it rest. Go about your life (riding) and occasionally bring up how nice it would be to have her riding with you again. Don't try to talk her into it, just let her know you miss riding with her. It's very possible that she may never have the desire to ride again. that's her decision, not yours. Be patient and loving and accept whatever mom decides is best for her.

[Mr Cujo]

Very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine.
I agree that after such a tragedy, some solid counseling is in order for everyone.
YOU decide for you... and everyone else must do the same.
The big thing is to get help to get rid of any guilt or unsaid things.

[Michael Psycle]

Originally Posted by Kool-Aid

Please accept my condolences and prayers to you and your family.
I would seek a professional counselor to help everyone involved-ASAP. The grief over the loss of a family member is a difficult and complex process. Seek each other for support as well. I would hope that after some family discussions and time, your questions/concerns will be easier to determine what is best for everyone.

2010hdultra - My condolences to you and your entire family on this tragic loss.

I agree with Kool-Aid, find a family counselor and you, your mom and any/all other members of your family talk about this. In the course of this you can talk with your mom about riding and everything else. This is not just a loss but a traumatic loss. Those things tend to have a tremendous impact. You all can't change the past but you can affect the future by talking about what you all are going through. My best wishes to you and your family.

[WEINERDOGBONE]

I am so sorry for your loss. Regarding your Mother, I would tell her that you would be happy to have her back out riding with you when she's ready and leave it alone. Be open to here but don't push the riding.

For you personally, if you still feel like riding after losing your Father, do what makes you happy.

One of my best friends lost his Dad in a MC accident and he took some time off of riding. He eventually started riding again but he took a couple of years off.

Do what feels right. My condolences to your Mother as well.

[Road King Cole]

Just spend good quality time with your mom what ever it is. You and she will end up doing what you and she feels comfortable with.

Sorry about your loss. It's been 3 years since l lost both of my parents. Still miss and think about them often.

rkc

[dynageno]

Condolences to you and family

[jammer45u]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you and your family find peace and comfort as you move forward without your father.

Your decision to continue riding without fear or guilt is not selfish and has nothing to do with your love for your family.

Your mothers decision will have to be her own. Give her time and room to decide what is right for her. Offer ride time with her, but don't pressure. Then support her, whatever direction she decides to go.

[Michael Psycle]

Oh, you daddies and daughters, you sons and your mothers
Life seems to be over before it begins
Love one another and stand close together
As close as her Dad stood to old Errol Flynn

from "ERROL FLYNN" by Gordon Hunt / Amanda McBroom

[Chief Davis57]

Sorry for your loss and your mother's loss. You knew your father better than most so you know how he would feel. Your mom would know too but it might not be the right time to ask her opinion. I'm thinking he would want you to ride. It's what I would want if my kids rode bikes. If I was gone (scenario totally hypothetical) and I could talk to my son in a dream, I would say keep riding, I'm okay...
I hope this helps, if not then I hope it doesn't upset you more than you are already. Take care.

[luvmy09]

Great responses, the only thing I would add is confidence is important to safe riding. A second guess or hesitation can cause an accident. Be sure your mom is Ok with riding, don't push her into it.