need your help ladies! : V-Twin Forum: Harley Davidson Forums

BUDKING · 07-22-2005, 02:55 PM

I need the help of the fairer sex. I took an overnight ride to Niagara Falls with a buddy. Did the usual titty bar stop, hit the casino the next day and rode home. The wife and I have been married 18 years. She was a lot pissed because I've chosen to do things with a few buds instead of hanging out with her a few times. I admitted I'd been selfish and promised to focus more on what hanging with her more. Well, she hits me with this **** about her "instincts" are telling her I f23cked around in Niagara! Then she tells me she has been seeing a counselor who told her to trust her instincts! I'd be the first to own up if I did (because that would mean the marriage was over a long time ago anyway) but I didn't! I'm really pissed I have to defend myself over something I didn't do because her "instincts" tell her I did!

Help ladies!!!!!

Budking

xl-scratch · 07-22-2005, 03:37 PM

What kind of help are you looking for?

BUDKING · 07-22-2005, 03:46 PM

How do you convince a woman her "instinct" is wrong! This is like saying"my horoscope said you will cheat on me" and getting mad at me for it!

The Tourist · 07-22-2005, 04:02 PM

Speaking from experience, your problems started long before your trip. You created an atmoshere where her first thoughts were of betrayal and not trust.

You claim to like motorcycling. Let's say you ride your bike, and then after about 50K miles you first decide to change your oil. You buy good synthetic. One day you pitch a rod right through your front jug. You stand by the road and say, "Betsy, I just bought you good oil, why'd did you seize up when I needed you?"

I've learned marriage is the same road. Lots of little hurts, lots of tiny slights, several hours wasted just hoping you'd show up on time. Over a few years your credibility breaks down. The word "now" just means ten hours later; the word "later" probably means never.

I caught my problem just about the time the fuse was about to run out. I think it was over nine months before we shared a conversation where she didn't glare at me.

But we have now been together 33 years. There comes a time in your life when trips, chrome, deer hunts, 'stag night' and football cost you more than you're willing to pay.

Don't pursue this present course. Some day you might come home to an empty house and a terse note. Fix it now. And for once, Einstein, when she talks, why don't you listen instead of humming the theme from "Gilligan's Island."

LwRdr · 07-22-2005, 05:13 PM

loos like you just neded the tourist....

I agree with everything he said...first and foremost, she comes first!! no one, and nothing comes before her..you need a good sit down with her. Sure its nice to go out with the boys, but your marriage comes first, and if she has some concerns, address them. Just don;t call her crazy, and tell her to stop nagging ya...try your best to makethose concerns disappear..there is a reason she is not trusting you, could be something you did, something someone else's husband did, and now she is looking for the sign's in you....

no matter, sit her down, get it out of her, and make all her worries disappear.

deb93fxlr · 07-22-2005, 09:20 PM

does she not go on the bike with you? If not, it's time to start bringing her.

BUDKING · 07-25-2005, 08:45 AM

Thanks for the input folks. We're back on track. I guess my inattention had her wondering.

Deb, I beg her often to go on the bike. She thinks it is an inevitable death warrant and won't go. Mostly because of our 15 YO daughter.

Some day!

Sieg · 07-25-2005, 05:07 PM

There is a reason the saying "My way or the Highway" was coined...