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Old 02-09-2017, 01:34 PM   #1231 (permalink)
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twood71 is reading this now saying WTF is this?
An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

“No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:49 PM   #1232 (permalink)
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A biker walks into a bar with a handlebar stuck to his crotch. The bartender said, that must be painful.
Yeah, its driving me nuts,says the biker.

tarheel
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Old 02-09-2017, 05:54 PM   #1233 (permalink)
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A biker walks into a bar with a handlebar stuck to his crotch.
Bartender said, that looks like its painful.
Yeah, its driving me nuts, says the biker.

tarheel
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Old 02-09-2017, 07:17 PM   #1234 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captainhook455 View Post
A biker walks into a bar with a handlebar stuck to his crotch. The bartender said, that must be painful.
Yeah, its driving me nuts,says the biker.

tarheel
Hey! That biker has a pirate cousin. He walked into that same damn bar, but he had a ship's wheel hanging on his front side. When the bartender commented on how painful it looked the Pirate agreed, "Aye" says he, "it drives me nuts".

joe
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Old 02-09-2017, 07:18 PM   #1235 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captainhook455 View Post
A biker walks into a bar with a handlebar stuck to his crotch.
Bartender said, that looks like its painful.
Yeah, its driving me nuts, says the biker.

tarheel
Did you hear about the baby seal that walked into a club?

joe
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Old 02-09-2017, 08:20 PM   #1236 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homesick View Post
Did you hear about the baby seal that walked into a club?

joe
Ya I did.

And if you are up that way, and get asked if you want to go clubbing, it might not involve bars and babes.
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Old 02-09-2017, 08:36 PM   #1237 (permalink)
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Ya I did.

And if you are up that way, and get asked if you want to go clubbing, it might not involve bars and babes.
You might be right.

joe
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Old 02-10-2017, 09:18 AM   #1238 (permalink)
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The Barber Shop

A guy walks into a crowded barber shop and asks the barber how long is the wait? The barber looks around the room and tells him about an hour and a half. The guy says he'll come back later but he never shows back up. A week later the same guy comes in and asks how long is the wait. The barber looks around and says about 2 hours. The guy says he'll come back later but doesn't show up. A week later same thing, a 2 hour wait. This time when he leaves the barber asks his friend to follow him to see where he is going for his haircut. The friend comes back about 15 minutes later. The barber says well, where is he going? His friend says he's going to your house.
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Old 02-10-2017, 06:12 PM   #1239 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homesick View Post
Hey! That biker has a pirate cousin. He walked into that same damn bar, but he had a ship's wheel hanging on his front side. When the bartender commented on how painful it looked the Pirate agreed, "Aye" says he, "it drives me nuts".

joe
He said argh not aye. I didn't want to use the pirate. After all I am Captain Hook and what you doing in the cellar.lol.

tarheel
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Old 02-10-2017, 06:29 PM   #1240 (permalink)
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He said argh not aye. I didn't want to use the pirate. After all I am Captain Hook and what you doing in the cellar.lol.

tarheel
Sorry, Cap. He said "aye" THAT night; just before he knocked the monkey off the bar.

joe
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Old 02-13-2017, 10:24 AM   #1241 (permalink)
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Three nuns died in a car accident and were approaching the pearly gates. St. Peter met them and said y'all have to be clean before entering. He asked the first nun if she was ever with a man? I touched his privates she said. Wash your hands in that bowl Sister. Then he notices the other two fighting to get to the bowl. Hey what goes here? The second nun said, I want to wash my mouth out before she washes her azz.

tarheel
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Old 02-21-2017, 08:03 PM   #1242 (permalink)
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Friendship Test

This test wiil prove who your "real" friend is:

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight. In the morning when you open the trunk, take note of which one is happy to see you.
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Old 02-28-2017, 09:11 AM   #1243 (permalink)
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Sick jokes huh?

A cruise ship was sinking and a Rabbi and a Priest were getting in a lifeboat. The Priest said what about the children? The Rabbi said screw the children. The Priest said, do you think we have time?

tarheel
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Old 02-28-2017, 09:15 AM   #1244 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evodistraction View Post
This test wiil prove who your "real" friend is:



Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car overnight. In the morning when you open the trunk, take note of which one is happy to see you.


That's one of my favorites.

Although a couple hours is long enough.

rkc
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Old 02-28-2017, 12:58 PM   #1245 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twood71 View Post
An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

“No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
I like this one.
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