Parrot joke.

[wdgld]

It's her husbands birthday. So the wife is out, trying to find him a present. He's always wanted a talking African grey parrot, so she scours all the pet stores looking for one, with no success. After many stores and no luck, she happens down a side street and finds a small pet store. In the window is a sign 'Talking parrot for sale-$100.00' She immediately goes in and buys it. While paying for the bird, she asks the store owner why is it so cheap. The store owner tells her that the birds previous owners ran a whorehouse, so the birds vocabulary was a little unusual.
Once she gets home she, puts the parrot on a perch at the front door, and calls her friend to come over and help set up the surprise party that she's organising. As her friend walks in the door, the parrot pipes up 'Hand jobs 20 Dollars, BJ's 50 Dollars, Full sex 100 Dollars' After the initial shock, the wife and her friend start laughing and think how funny this is. 'My husband will love this' says the wife.
Soon, the guests start arriving for the party. Every time one comes through the doors, tha parrot starts up 'Hand jobs 20 Dollars, BJ's 50 dollars, Full sex 100 Dollars' much to the hilarity of all present.
Eventually, the wifes husband arrives home from work. There's total quiet from all the guests as he walks in the door.
As soon as the parrot sees him he pipes up.......
Good evening Mr Spitzer!!! I havent seen you in a while!!!

[roofeditor]

A Scot is the only man on earth who would step over the bodies of a dozen bronzed naked beauties just to get to a glass of whiskey.


How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Nae bother - just take up a collection.


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"



How do you get a Highlander onto the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.


A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didnae feel that the natives were friendly. "At 4 o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Heck, sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes."


Three scots and three englishmen are traveling by train to a football match.
At the station, the three englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Englanders.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Scotsmen.
They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but all three scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the tolet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Englishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Englishman. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen. When they board the train the three Scots cram into a toilet and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Englishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."


Scotts a bit tight with a buck.

I have a contractor friend from Aberdeen!


Aberdonian Jokes From About Aberdeen

There's an afa rumour that copper wire was invented by two Aberdonians fighting over a penny!

[wdgld]

Originally Posted by roofeditor

A Scot is the only man on earth who would step over the bodies of a dozen bronzed naked beauties just to get to a glass of whiskey.


How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Nae bother - just take up a collection.


An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"



How do you get a Highlander onto the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.


A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didnae feel that the natives were friendly. "At 4 o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Heck, sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes."


Three scots and three englishmen are traveling by train to a football match.
At the station, the three englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Englanders.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Scotsmen.
They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but all three scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the tolet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Englishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed Englishman. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Scotsmen. When they board the train the three Scots cram into a toilet and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Scots leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Englishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."


Scotts a bit tight with a buck.

I have a contractor friend from Aberdeen!


Aberdonian Jokes From About Aberdeen

There's an afa rumour that copper wire was invented by two Aberdonians fighting over a penny!

I surrender!!!


P.S. Your cheque is in the post!!